Special Hugs
by iDevalu
Summary: A day at the zoo. Flirting snakes and...monkeys hugging? Random drabble, read at your own risk


**A/N: This was inspired by a Kaiser Commercial! :D Some of you know what I'm talkin' about~~ It's senseless and, frankly, on the borderline of just plain stupid, but I thought it was funny :)**

**Special Hugs**

The orphans of District Seven were kept on a rather lax schooling schedule, compared to other schools throughout the other six districts. They hardly had planned lessons, usually improvised by the Nun that was appointed to take care of them for the day. They never had the same "teacher" for two days in a row. Most of them saw this as a rather normal thing, or they really didn't bother to think twice about it.

They were all children anyway.

But a certain brown-haired fifteen year old knew what it was like to have a _somewhat _proper education. He knew that there should be different lessons every day regarding different subjects. Literature, Mathematics, Science, History, Language. And those were just the fundamentals. There were also classes that fell within the 'Extra Curricular Activities' division. There was a scheduled time for play, not whenever was most convenient for the "teacher" (which was practically for most of the day).

Teito didn't like how these children's minds were turning to mush. They were at their most impressionable and no one was bothering to mold and sculpt them to become proper human beings rather than crazed animals that lived off of sugar.

He was going to put a stop to it and form a somewhat proper schooling schedule for them. Well, he was going to _ask _someone to form a somewhat proper schooling schedule for them. He was a child himself; there was no way he was going to teach a bunch of eight year olds science and history.

So, that was how it started. Teito took his proposition to Castor who passed it on to Archbishop Jio. It seemed, at the time, the Archbishop was in a rather foul mood with one of his bishops. It did not take a genius to figure out who this sole clergyman could be.

Here's a few hints: an ego the size of an airship (maybe even bigger), the body of a _god _(which made that ego _somewhat _acceptable), a libido that really should be checked out by a doctor (_no one _should have that much…_"energy"_), a rather unnatural _obsession _with the female body, an even more unnatural obsession with _his own body_, a killer smile, soft blue eyes, golden blond hair, and a mismatch personality that makes him the most _interesting_ person you'll ever meet and the most dangerous at the same time. (There should be more but it would be best not to inflate his ego any further…)

So, to quench his own foul mood and place it upon another, Archbishop Jio assigned Bishop Frau to a very standard activity that many school children experience at least _once _in their life: a fieldtrip.

Frau had protested as if there was no tomorrow, but within the Sanctuary of the Basburg Church, Archbishop Jio's final word was law. Well, it was really _God's _but he didn't seem too opposed at the idea (he didn't really _voice _his opinion at all).

So, anyway, that was how Frau ended up as an escort to a group of twenty or so children, all within their elementary year, and a strangely excited fifteen-year-old.

Not wanting to travel too far with so many children, Frau had proposed a Zoo just near the outskirts of the Seventh District, almost bordering on the Second District. Archbishop Jio gladly seconded the motion and appointed three other Nuns to accompany the blond bishop to make sure _all _the children returned safely.

And, we are now at the present…

Teito walked alongside Frau, his sights kept on the various reptiles that seemed more concerned with their sleeping than the multiple eyes watching them. He approached one certain lizard who was currently hanging from the glass window as its giant eyes darted back and forth.

The brunet tapped the glass gently, his emerald eyes widening a fraction as a long, sticky-looking tongue darted from the side of its mouth and over its eyeball, moistening it before it flicked the pink thing back into its mouth.

"Eww," he whispered and continued to tap the glass gently over the reptiles oddly webbed feet.

"You know what they're called?"

An unwanted cry of surprise forced his way out of Teito as he slammed his entire body against the glass, away from the cold chill that had brushed his exposed neck ever so slightly. He caught sight of amused sapphire eyes from the glass's reflection, and cursed himself quietly for allowing the blond to sneak up behind him. For a man that big, Frau was certainly light on his feet.

Peeling himself away from the wall, Teito directed a half-hearted glare to the bishop behind him, praying that the heated feeling on his cheeks would go unnoticed in the dimly lit room. Whether Frau noticed it or not, he did not say but instead the older male turned his attention to the reptile's glass home, wondering where the little scamp had run to after Teito practically scared the poor thing half to death.

"I can read," Teito replied to Frau's previous question, tapping the label to further prove his point. His eyes continued to search for the creature but came up empty. "Must've hidden in that little log…" he muttered more to himself, and frowned. He wanted to see it move across the glass.

"Can we go now?" Frau grumbled as he rested his back against the next exhibit: a large albino python, "These lizards are depressing me." Keeping his head on the glass, he turned to see the snake slithering up the glass to match his height, flicking its pink tongue as if it could penetrate through the glass. The blond equally stuck out his own tongue in a rather childish manner before turning to Teito, only to find that the brunet was no longer fascinated with the gecko.

Instead, the teen was on Frau's other side, watching with childish fascination as the snake continued to flick its tongue, almost as if it was trying to gain Frau's attention. Teito grasped Frau's sleeve and tugged, never straying his sights from the white and yellow snake.

"Frau, do something else, I think she likes you."

"She?" Frau frowned at the snake, wondering how anyone could distinguish genders on an animal that had the equivalent shape of a noodle. "Sorry Miss Snake, I don't do reptiles."

Oblivious to Frau's rejection, the snake continued to try and capture Frau's undivided attention.

Annoyed with the idea of having a snake fall madly in love with him, Frau placed a hand on Teito's shoulder, and was beginning to direct the teen towards the exit of the Reptile House when the snake pulled her head back and bared four large fangs, the hissing loud and clear, even from the other side of the thick glass.

Teito ducked under Frau's grasp and went back to the snake, staring at her frightfully red eyes before she turned away and looked back to Frau, flicking her tongue almost lovingly at him.

Testing his hypothesis, Frau placed a hand on Teito's shoulder and watched, with eyes wide, as the snake coiled back and bared her fangs. He removed his hand and the snake relaxed. He continued this for a few more seconds, capturing the attention of anyone around. They formed a semi-circle around him and the teen, eyes darting back and forth between them and the enclosed animal.

Now Frau was interested. He darted his attention towards the crowd of onlookers and took the first pretty girl that had caught his attention. He draped an arm around her, unaware of her blushing face, and kept all his attention to the snake. The only thing the reptile did was glare, unblinking, to the random girl until she could no longer stand the snake's unwavering gaze. She excused herself, and hurried away a bit frightened and embarrassed.

Again, Frau took another onlooker, this time male, and equally did as he did the girl. The snake performed the same actions with the girl, glaring but not hissing, until the man wanted nothing more to do with the spectacle being made of him.

Once the man disappeared into the crowd, the python turned her attention back to Frau, slithering up the glass, and flicking her pink tongue.

Frau placed a gloved hand on his chin, his head tilting off to one side. After a moment of thought, he grabbed Teito again and placed an arm over the teen's small shoulders. The snake coiled down to the ground, baring her fangs but not hissing. Shifting the teen in front of him, Frau wrapped both arms around the boy, placing his palms on Teito's hips. He rested his chin on the teen's shoulders, his back protesting at the odd angle but his curiosity seemed to mask it.

The snake coiled further down onto the ground, her entire mass pressed against her human-made rock bed. Her eyes were dangerous, kept on Teito as she bared her fangs and hissed again.

Frau decided to take it one step further, however. His curiosity was still not satisfied. He freed one hand from Teito's hip and placed it on the teen's cheek, tilting the boy's face close to his own to place a simple kiss on the corner of the boy's lips.

Oblivious to the blond behind him, Teito had taken a deep shade of red, his entire body overheated and too shocked to move. He could easily see his reflection on the glass, looking like a startled animal with equally startled onlookers all around. Frau was the only one fascinated with the snake's reaction.

Without warning, shocking everyone watching, the python threw her head towards the glass, the thick material shaking with the force. She continued this act, _thump thump thump_, almost restlessly. Teito backed up fully into the blond, who had finally raised his back and kept a protective arm across the teen's chest.

"Maybe I took it too far…," Frau mumbled, "Come on." He ushered Teito through the crowd, grinning sheepishly at the odd stares he was receiving. Once finally outside, he released a long sigh of relief, a gloved hand on his forehead as the pleasant sun shone above.

"What the hell was that?" Teito quickly rebutted, his face still stained with blush.

"How am I supposed to know?" Frau glared down at the only child left in his care, not being trusted to take care of any more. "It's not like snakes flirt with me every chance they get!"

Teito bit his lip; glaring emerald kept on the blond as the man turned and began to walk away. When the brunet had asked "what the hell was that", he wasn't talking about the snake. Reassuring himself that it was just Frau pushing the boundaries and testing the snake's reaction, Teito calmed his overly active heart and raced after the disappearing blond.

"So where are we going now?" Teito asked once he reached the blond's side. They had been randomly choosing which animal to visit according to their preference; it was Frau's turn to choose. But the exhausted look on Frau's face gave away that he particularly did not care what animal they saw, he had enough of them for one day.

"What's closest?"

"Um," Teito pulled out the map that had been given to him when they had arrived at the Zoo around nine o'clock; five hours had passed since then. "Well, it's almost lunchtime, and we're supposed to meet up with the Sisters at the Cathouse Café in about an hour. If we start heading over there now, we can stop by Monkey Mountain and waste some time there."

"Monkeys it is; lead the way."

They arrived to the designated monkey area in a little over fifteen minutes, both tired and sore from the walk uphill. But as Frau made a beeline to the nearest bench, Teito headed straight towards the railing separating humans from primates.

"Stay where I can see you!" Frau yelled after the teen, who vaguely replied that he heard with a wave of his hand. Exhaustedly, the blond collapsed onto the bench, slumping against the uncomfortable seat and wishing against all that he would at least be allowed to smoke. But as he began removing a cigarette from the box hidden in his coat, a group of children ran past him and he was forced to rethink his addictive habit. He never showed it much, but he had a conscience, and it was telling him that smoking in front of children was a very bad thing to do.

Thinking the day couldn't get any worse, he was forced to rethink that when a chorus of laughter erupted around the monkey housing. There were people pointing and laughing, while others looked disgusted and turned away from the scene. From where Frau could see, the teen looked confused, turning left and right to see the expression of the people around him before turning back down to frown at the human-made depression that kept the monkeys' from escaping.

Sighing, Frau forced himself to his feet and approached the engrossed teen, startling him when he placed an arm around him and gripped the railing. Teito jerked forward, almost falling since he was using the second to highest railing as a step so he could have a better view. Frau was quick in taking hold of the teen's shirt and hauling him back. He kept that arm around the blushing and frowning teen as he turned bored eyes towards the monkeys.

"What's everyone gawking…" Frau's voice trailed off, the shadow of an amused smile tugging on the corner of his lips, "at?"

Teito frowned and turned back to the spectacle in front of him. "I don't know," he answered honestly, darting his eyes towards the human crowd around, and frowned. "I don't see what's so funny. Those monkeys are fighting, someone has to stop them."

Frau suppressed the urge to laugh, ducking his head as his shoulders shook with the suppressed emotion. He had known the teen to be naïve, but this was taking it to another level. "They're not fighting," Frau answered between chuckles.

"Then what are they doing?" Teito growled, annoyed at being told such a ludicrous explanation.

"They're…_hugging_?" Frau vaguely replied as he tried to keep the smile from overpowering his features.

"Hugging with their claws and teeth?" Teito challenged as he met Frau's stare.

"It's a sorta…_special _hug," his eyes danced with amusement as he played with the word.

"Well one of them doesn't seem to _like _that 'special hug'," Teito frowned at the scene; one of the monkeys was screeching their head off.

Frau couldn't hold it anymore, it was all he could take before he exploded from suppressing so much emotion. He burst out laughing, no longer bothering to contain it. He rested his forehead on the overused railing, pounding the cheap metal with his free fist while the other gripped the railing even tighter. He was vaguely aware of the stares he was receiving – he was just laughing _that _loudly. Trying to smother them, he turned to the teen and buried his face on that tiny shoulder, grasping the front of his shirt to keep the boy from trying to run away. His laughing had turned to just gasps of breath, having used all his oxygen on the single act. He shook his head, unbelieving that someone could really be _that _naïve. The boy was fifteen for crying out loud! Most sensible teenagers had seen their first pornographic movie by then!

"I don't get it!" Teito argued, wanting to know what had caused the usually calm and collected bishop to burst like that.

Frau sighed, finally calming himself to a more normal level, and pushed away from the railing and the teen. He ruffled the boy's hair and began to walk away. "You'll get it when you're older."

"Wait," Teito stuttered, jumping off the railing to follow after the still chuckling blond, "Frau! Tell me now!"

"I'm not telling you _anything_," Frau replied to the teen now at his side. "Ask Castor about it. He's better at explaining things than I am; I'll probably end up scarring you for life."

**A/N: The snake scene was never supposed to be there…but I just couldn't find it in myself to take it out…**


End file.
